Losing a parent is one of the most difficult experiences anyone can go through.
And one of the toughest parts is realising that there are things you wish you had asked them before they died.
Courtney Lopez Gervais lost her mum at 50 and knows this grief all too well.
Her mum’s sudden death meant she didn’t have time to prepare for life without her. It also meant that her kids’ childhoods would be mostly spent without their grandma.
With this heartbreak in mind, she took to TikTok to share five things she wishes she’d asked her mum while she was alive. It’s prompted viewers to start these conversations right now.
BRB, calling mum.
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Five things you need to ask your mum for
The post, which now has over 397.8k views, 27.5k likes and 250 comments is titled: “Five things you need to ask your mum for.”
Courtney says these things are:
- “Your child or children’s name in your mum’s handwriting.”
- “A letter from your mum to your child or children telling them what she loves most about them and what she hopes for their future.”
- “Your mum’s favourite childhood memory.”
- “Your mum’s favourite memory from your childhood.”
- “What she wants to leave to them and why it’s important to her.”
She captioned the clip: “Some of you have told me that you can’t relate to my story – the part where I lost my mum unexpectedly at the age of 50 – but that you’ve taken my story as an opportunity to love and appreciate your mum and the time you have with her even more.
“I had a dream that I got a second chance, this time I knew she wasn’t going to make it and I made a list of the things I wanted from her (hence this video). I wanted a tattoo of my daughter’s name in my mum’s handwriting, so I asked her for it.
“I also had on my list, what she loved most about my daughter and what she hoped for her future. Even if your mum is young and you expect to have her around for a long time – ASK! It’s okay if you ask again in five years (hopefully you have the time!) and she can write about what she loves most about them then too.
“I don’t know what my mum’s favourite childhood memory was, and I wish I did. Ask your mum. You’ll want to remember this. I also don’t know what my mum’s favourite memory was from my childhood. I know she was proud of me, but I wish I knew which EXACT moments were her favourite… when her heart swelled with joy as mine does for my children.
“And lastly, what she wants to leave to them (a piece of jewellery, a special dish, custom art) and why it’s important to her. [My kids] will have things of my mum’s and I can tell them stories, but I wish they were HER stories to go along with them.
“Please share this with a friend. I don’t want one single person to miss out on documenting these things. I promise you, they’ll mean a lot one day.”
She also added in a later video that you should also ask them their “favourite colour, their spirit animal and their favourite drink.”
RELATED: My mum died when my baby was only 9 months old
“Save a voicemail from your parents telling you they love you”
People took to the comments to add some of their own ideas to her list.
“My advice is to always save one voicemail from your parents telling you they love you,” one person wrote.
Another added: “I love this. I’ll add: A recordable book for your children in her voice.”
And this person suggested: “Also her recipes for your favourite meals. It’s been eight years without her and this is the one thing I wish I would have gotten.”
“I sent my mum an article ’50 questions to ask your mum’ and asked her to answer the questions for me and at Christmas, she gave me a mini book with the answers and she put a lot of meaning and love into them,” another commenter wrote.
If you need a sign to call your mum or dad and kickstart this process, this is it.
It might be hard at first, but future you will be so thankful.
Originally published as I lost my mother recently, here are five things I wish I asked her