A Sydney woman who flew to Bali for a first date has detailed the mortifying moment she realised she had been stood up.
Jess Austen, 29, hopped on a plane to Indonesia to meet a man she’d been talking to online for several months after he invited her to join him on holiday.
But after paying for flights and travelling more than six hours, Jess said she was left feeling “stupid” and “embarrassed” when her date ghosted her, leaving her to fend for herself in a foreign country.
Ghosting is the act of disappearing suddenly without any explanation – and in the modern dating world, it is rife.
In a final cruel twist, Jess then came face-to-face with her “ghost” on her flight home, where he dished out another brutal blow.
“He was sitting in front of me so I saw him in real life and at least confirmed he wasn’t a catfish,” she told news.com.au.
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“He ignored me, if he saw me – but how could he not? I was standing next to him waiting to get into my row.
“I would have loved to have said something to call him out, but I was a bit embarrassed that I’d gone all that way, been ghosted and now was on the plane alone behind him.
“Feeling insecure, no words were exchanged. He just started straight at the ground and didn’t look around once.”
Louanne Ward, a professional matchmaker with more than 20 years’ experience, explained “ghosting” is usually committed by those “with a lack of emotional intelligence” in a desperate attempt to “avoid emotional confrontation”.
“For the ghosted, the rejection plays heavy on their self-worth,” she told news.com.au’s Ghosted podcast.
“It is very soul-destroying when someone simply disappears without an explanation, especially if you had raised expectations with this person.”
Back home, Jess was so mortified by her experience, she decided to detail what happened in a video which quickly resonated with women who had endured similar situations.
“People were quick to call out the red flags on his behalf, some were even speculating on why he did it,” she told news.com.au.
“But there was a lot of support and beautiful messages. People know all too well how painful ghosting is.
“It’s excruciating after being able to talk to someone to then just have that access cut off with no explanation.”
In Jess’s TikTok video, which has been viewed over 35,000 times, she shared messages from her no-show date after their initial match on popular dating app Hinge.
“Originally I was going to do a ‘come to Bali with me on a first date’ video, but instead we’re going to have a ‘what the f**k is wrong with men’ FBI session,” Jess starts.
She goes on to explain she had been talking “on and off” on Instagram with this guy for several months but due to their previous dating status, had never actually met.
However, he recently told her he had become single, with Jess saying she was in the same boat.
“He said, ‘Do you want to come on a trip to Bali next week,’” which Jess explained she responded to by saying: “Yeah, super tempting.”
She added she can be “impulsive” in her decisions, but still showed messages between them where the pair were planning dates and trips to different parts of the popular tourist destination.
At one point, he even messaged her stating: “I’m quite hyped by the idea of you coming.”
In another, he wrote: “So I’m seeing you on Monday night, 100 per cent?”
However, after she landed late at night, she didn’t hear from him – but as the pair had a week together, Jess wasn’t too worried.
Several messages went backwards and forwards between them, as he continuously pushed back their date, until eventually his communication completely dropped off and he unfollowed her.
“I felt stupid when I realised he was never going to meet me,” she told news.com.au.
“I tried not to let it get to me too much and use it as time I needed to recharge, but I was definitely disappointed.”
Since her video has gone viral however, she’s been able to have a brief conversation with him, and he explained why he did a vanishing act.
“He told me that he’d met someone in Lombok and he felt so embarrassed because he’s asked me all the way there so he just disappeared,” she said.
“I laid into him about how cowardly that is and that he shouldn’t have invited me if he was going with the intention of meeting whoever and going with the flow.
“There was clearly no importance set on meeting me even though he invited me. It was so cruel.”
Women in the comments section agreed, calling the unknown Sydney man “a total coward”.
“Who does that? What a coward. You’re absolutely beautiful. WTF,” one person wrote.
“Oh Jesus. I’m so enraged,” another said.
“Disappointed but not surprised,” a third wrote.
Jess is hoping her video helps others understand the ramifications of ghosting, stating an explanation helps on both sides.
“Uncomfortable conversations are not easy, but it provides understanding for both parties and shows that you have the bare minimum of respect for human decency to explain yourself rather than lead someone on and leave them in the dark,” she said.
Matchmaker Louanne agreed.
“Ghosting is gutless and stunts emotional growth for both the ghoster and ghosted,” she said.