The Australian Greens’ declaration of war on the Australian Labor Party is the very reason why their eye-wateringly moronic and supremely narcissistic plan is doomed to fail.
The Greens have long believed that their destiny was to exploit their electoral alliance with Labor until they were strong enough to steal its base and eventually supplant it as the major left-wing party in Australia.
In short they model themselves on the very definition of a parasite.
But while they have long been stupid enough to believe this, they have only recently been stupid enough to say it.
It began with a manifesto by leader Adam Bandt before the last federal election, in which he openly proposed forming a coalition with the ALP that would lead to the Greens effectively taking the party over and replacing it.
Unsurprisingly this was laughingly rejected by Labor leader Anthony Albanese, who went on to win that election in his own right and has taken the party to astronomical levels of popularity ever since.
Not to be discouraged, Bandt this week again revealed his masterplan to the National Press Club, no doubt emboldened by the thought that if a once-beloved icon like Paul Keating could declare war on the entire Labor government there was no reason why he couldn’t also join in the sh*tshow.
As innumerable polls have shown, Albanese has led Labor from strength to strength in the public’s eyes since assuming office, and the party would substantially increase its already safe majority if an election was held today.
And this, according to Bandt, is proof it is doing everything wrong. That alone should tell you everything you need to know about how the Greens would fare if – thanks to some divine retribution as yet undiscovered in the Book of Revelations – they ever actually managed to form government. It would make the Four Horsemen of the apocalypse look like a bridge party.
And what has the Albanese government done?
Well for a start it has kept its promises to working and aspirational Australians on tax reform – holding fast on both the stage three tax cuts and the expiry of the $1500 tax credits in the face of immense pressure from both the left and the right. Whatever one’s political view, this shows rare integrity.
It has also almost miraculously managed to restore trade relations with China while at the same time strengthening strategic relationships in the Asia-Pacific and the AUKUS pact, confounding critics who thought it would be a soft touch on national security.
It has turbocharged renewable energy projects and set more ambitious emission reductions targets while at the same time dedicating $10 billion for social housing for the nation’s most vulnerable.
As it happens, these two last reforms were opposed by two parties. One of them was the Coalition and other was, you guessed it, the Greens.
Yes, the Greens plotted to block the climate legislation and are still blocking social housing.
Whenever their ideology is challenged they end up hating the planet as much as they hate the poor.
But let’s not stop there. The biggest political issue of 2023 is without doubt the referendum on constitutional recognition of First Nations people and the indigenous voice to parliament.
This was the first order of priority raised by Albanese in his victory speech on election night but while Labor is wholly united in its commitment to a voice, the position of two other parties is so corrosive it actually sparked the spectacular public abandonment of both their indigenous affairs spokespersons.
And who were they again? You guessed it: the Coalition and the Greens.
Yes, for all the talk of coalition with the Labor Party, the coalition the Greens have most in common with is the one led by Peter Dutton. Hyphenated surnames always find their way home.
And while we’re talking about the voice, let’s take a moment to reflect on Lidia Thorpe, who screams at Aboriginal elders, screams at women’s rights protesters, screams at black men outside strip clubs and blockades Mardi Gras floats.
Never forget she was the Greens’ top senate candidate for their top state of Victoria, deputy senate leader and indigenous spokeswoman. And even when she left them just so she could destroy the voice campaign, the Greens leader begged her to come back. This is what the Greens are. This is who they are.
But enough moralising. Let’s look at the Greens’ actual electoral strategy.
The ALP’s supposed allies have already stolen inner-city Labor seats in Melbourne and Brisbane and have only been held off in Sydney because of the personal popularity of Albo and Tanya Plibersek.
These too may one day fall but it still only makes Labor stronger. If the ALP no longer has to offer silly woke inner-city platitudes to a minor party so addicted to virtue-signalling that it literally just virtue-signalled its intention to destroy Labor, then Labor will finally be free to become the mainstream moderate party Australia deserves.
This, ironically, would be the Greens’ only noteworthy contribution to society. While the Liberals have been pushed to the unelectable right by the Teals – who are just Greens with a bigger wardrobe budget – the Greens are pushing Labor to the centre, which is exactly where it needs to be.
So when Adam Bandt declares war on the ALP he might as well have delivered a fruit basket and Albo might as well send him a thank you note.