If you’re like most parents, there are days when you feel your kids resist everything you ask of them. And even though you don’t expect perfection or that they won’t push back occasionally, it can be frustrating.
The good news is there are some simple, practical ways to better understand and respond to this common parenting challenge.
Nurture your relationship
Finding the time to build a positive relationship with your child can feel difficult. And sometimes, we can feel like we must spend long periods of time with children to build that bond. However, “mini moments” of connection – as little as 15 or 30 seconds – can also make an enormous difference.
When your child approaches you to show you something or ask you a question, and you stop what you’re doing to listen and answer, you send an important relationship-building message: you’re available.
Being available builds that relationship which, in turn, can help to build the foundations for cooperation.
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Calm, clear expectations
Cooperation can be easier when kids know the house rules and expectations. But the challenge for us as parents is understanding how to back up those rules (without losing our cool).
For example, let’s say your child always dumps their bag and shoes in the living room instead of putting them where they belong.
Every afternoon, the same thing happens, and you lose your patience and growl.
This time, however, you have a plan to follow some simple steps.
First, you calmly ask them to stop. Next, you ask, “Hey, what’s that rule about your bag and shoes?”
They might say, “I don’t know,” and so then you remind them.
Then you pause – this can be powerful step because kids may need a few extra seconds to absorb a request or question, especially after a big day.
It almost sounds too simple, but it can work. The last (and important) step is to thank them when they have cooperated.
You can keep things short and upbeat – no big lectures. Then shift the focus to something fun, like afternoon tea!
If you can follow these steps calmly it can give a child a better chance of following along rather than locking horns.
Even the smallest plan to stay calm can help parents feel more in control and handle everyday challenges more positively.
Things won’t always go smoothly – but keeping calm is key.
Notice and praise
Kids co-operating can feel miraculous. You might be shocked initially, but it’s important to notice and thank their cooperation. You don’t need to gush, but being sincere and describing what your child has done is helpful. For example, “Thanks for getting in the shower when I asked.”
Consider root causes
Sometimes other things in a child’s life cause difficulties with cooperation. There might be something going on at school. They might be tired, sick, having friendship problems, or feeling unheard, unimportant or powerless.
Understanding the root cause can help you develop a plan to provide positive support.
Be realistic
Remember that every parent would like to imagine life without opposition, refusal or rule breaking. But that’s a big expectation of them (and you).
Keep things realistic. Think progress, not perfection.
Check out the Triple P – Positive Parenting Program for more tips on managing common issues positively and feeling more confident as a parent or carer.
Originally published as Cooperation challenges with your kids? Try these expert tips