Behind the smiling face of Jessica Kennedy was a dark secret she hid for years while climbing her way up the corporate finance ladder.
Unbeknown to her boss or colleagues, her high performance was, in part, the result of her increasing reliance on illicit substances to get through each day.
Her routine completely fell apart one day however, when she overdosed in the middle of her working day and her career of 15 years came crashing down.
“Nobody around me knew what was going on. Nobody had a clue that I was using or taking anything. I just collapsed on the office floor,” Ms Kennedy told news.com.au.
“I was brought back to life by very quick thinking paramedics who thankfully arrived really quickly.”
The incident caught her boss completely off guard.
“My boss at the time turned to me and said, ‘Jess, why didn’t you tell me what was going on? I’m looking at you and I feel like you’re going to die’,” she recalled.
The overdose sadly didn’t serve as the reality check it should have, and the cycle repeated itself several times over.
“I lost that job then lost the next job for basically the same reason – I was caught using substances at work – and I lost the next one after that,” Ms Kennedy said.
“Then I just lost absolutely everything. And there was a moment, just before Covid hit, that I just completely lost connection with reality.”
After four months of intense despair, it was at 4am one morning when she was sitting on her kitchen floor that she was struck with a moment of pristine clarity.
“I looked around at my house and it was empty, I had sold everything, I didn’t have a job, I had nothing, I felt suicidal. But in that moment, I just decided I didn’t want to die,” she said.
“That felt like the only decision that I had made myself for almost 20 years.”
A few months later, she gathered the courage to book an appointment with her doctor, who she hadn’t seen since she was 14, and she received an urgent referral for a psychiatrist.
Ms Kennedy has since credited her psychiatrist with saving her life.
She was subsequently diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder, complex post traumatic stress disorder, generalised and social anxiety, and ADHD.
After receiving explanations for her feelings and behaviours from the psychologist, she said for the first time, “my life made sense”.
“I wasn’t this useless drug addict or someone who was an absolute loser who had no hope in life. I was somebody who wasn’t well and I needed help,” she said.
“That really changed my life.”
The validation, which unfolded about three-and-a-half years ago, was the “missing puzzle piece” she had always been in search of.
“The diagnoses didn’t come as a shock to me, they actually comforted me,” she said.
Having since become fully equipped with tools on how to live a happy and productive life in spite of her diagnoses, she has taken up work in the construction industry as a traffic controller.
Through her treatment, she learned the stress and pressure of her former career in finance were triggers that sent her into a downward spiral, and a job in construction was far better suited to her needs.
Since becoming a traffic controller, while it often meant being sent to unfamiliar locations without warning, she had been able to manage her symptoms.
“For some reason, in that kind of organised chaos, I actually thrive,” she said.
Ms Kennedy has now turned her focus to “being the voice I never had” by facilitating productive mental health discussions as a host of Beyond Blue’s Big Blue Table initiative.
The fundraising events will take place across the country throughout October and have been encouraged to be held during meal time in home, workplace or sporting club settings.
Ms Kennedy hosted a room of fellow construction workers and shared anecdotes of her own mental health difficulties with the aim of helping co-workers – mostly men – to feel comfortable doing the same.
“I’m very raw and open about my own journey which I think in turn, helps other people open up,” she said.
To find out more about the initiative and register to host your Big Blue Table event, visit bigbluetable.com.au.
brooke.rolfe@news.com.au