The world can be split between people who agree or disagree with having pineapple on a pizza, taking a screaming child into a fancy restaurant or shagging on the first date. (Don’t ask for my opinion on any of those as you will judge me.)
But the latest debate dividing people: Is it OK or not OK to leave a voice message instead of calling or writing a text?
Now you can ask my opinion on this, and I say voice messaging is here to stay. Let me give you a real-life example of how sending a VM changed everything for me in the world of dating (as if it’s not difficult enough already being on the dating apps when you’re 50).
Listen to the full interview with Bianca Dye talking ghosting and modern dating on Stellar’s podcast, Something To Talk About:
Granted, I probably shouldn’t be dating at the moment. My headspace jumps from “I’m so excited to share my life with someone special,” to “I’m a perimenopausal, moody, bloated hot mess right now and I should be focusing on getting my next radio/TV gig and not what I’m gonna wear on a date, and is that a hole in my Spanx and, oh God, will we even get that far?”
So when it came to actually going on a recent date, I panicked. I pulled the pin.
I felt like such a failure. It was a very personal situation for me and not one I wanted to convey in a phone conversation with someone I barely knew. But I also wanted to be truly honest with this guy, and tell him it really wasn’t him – it was me.
I knew it was a risk. I knew I was going to have to be brave, so I took a chance and left a seven-minute voice message. Yes: seven minutes.
But stay with me, disgusted disbelievers! It was a heartfelt and honest audio note about what I’m going through.
I pressed “send”, took a big breath and assumed I would never hear from him again. The next morning: *ping*. (Cue the dopamine rush.)
Not only did he listen to it, he sent me a VM back! He said he’d never used voice messages before but he would now.
He also said that hearing how genuine I was and how vulnerable I sounded, he felt immediate compassion for me and wanted to get to know me better.
Wow. I would never have had the nerve to say any of that in a phone call. But there is something about being able to talk with an uninterrupted train of thought that brought out a version of me that was brave enough to share.
If I hadn’t taken a chance on the voice message, we would never have met. (Update: alas, I’m still single.)
I have girlfriends who are busy mums who say they don’t have time to have long phone conversations and that a quick voice message life update is the best way to stay in touch – especially with interstate mates – as you still feel as though you’ve “connected” but without the stress of constantly trying to line up a time for a call that never usually eventuates.
One of my friends said to me, “I love voice messages unless I’m out and I can’t play them, so then I’m stuck not knowing what people sent until I get home.”
I will admit that if you don’t have your AirPods with you and you’re in Woolies, it’s sometimes a bit hard to listen to a voice message.
And I do have a few friends who say they can’t listen to mine while they’re driving with kids in the car because I swear too much. Soz. My bad.
I know they’re not for everybody, but every time I manage to convert someone to using voice messages, I get that warm, fuzzy feeling that somehow I’m helping people communicate on a deeper level. Hey, it worked for me!
Listen to the full interview with Bianca Dye on Stellar’s podcast, Something To Talk About. For more from Stellar, click here.
Originally published as ‘We would never have met!’ Bianca Dye on ghosting, a seven-minute voice message and the reality of dating in her 50s