It’s time to get in the oat milk; someone ready the nation’s emergency stockpile of Tibetan singing bowls: Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex is headed, once again, to the grey skies of the UK.
Just a few days of peace left before the far-from-prodigal son and failed podcaster will jet back to his homeland, signalling the kick off event for a massive month on Planet Royal.
You have been warned: Hullabaloo, incoming.
William and Kate, the Prince and Princess of Wales are already “irritated” with Harry. King Charles’s circle is trying to downplay his homecoming and putting it out there that His Majesty has no plans to see his son.
The reason? The timing. Harry’s return to the Motherland (definitely not the Fatherland given his relationship with ‘Pa’) is about to collide smack bang with the royal family’s attempt to start the new working year off with a bang.
If the northern summer has been largely dominated by the goings on in the breakaway state of Montecito – Harry enjoying a lads-gone-mild tour of Asia; Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex suddenly appearing everywhere, all at once; rumours of the her Instagram rebirth; a million-dollar book deal; and that not-quite quashed speculation of marital woes – then all that is about to change.
This week, the royal family will dust off their forgotten office laptops and get back to flying the flag for King and country after nearly two full months of lie-ins and high-grade lolling.
In quick succession, September will see all of various members of the House and Windsor, both practising and lapsed, get back to work with gusto. We are about to be hit by a landmark State Visit, HRHs descending on Europe and the US, a high-profile speech, a day of national tributes and a Netflix launch. And that’s just for starters.
Except that King Charles et al’s big resumption of normal programming (banging on about the magic of composting; opening biscuit factories) faces rough seas given that, just as the King’s doing battle with his Monday Mont Blanc, the Sussexes will be making a splashy, spotlight-hogging return to the fore too.
It already feels like it’s going to be a bit of a chaotic, topsy-turvy mess. And this timing, of the duke’s return to the British soil and British front pages, already has Buckingham Palace’s sturdy woollen knickers in something of a twist.
See, on September 7 in London, Harry will appear at the WellChild Awards (of which he has been patron for more than 15 years) and give a speech, an event which just happens to be taking place the day before the first anniversary of the late Queen’s death.
Then, on the day itself, September 8, William and Kate, the Prince and Princess of Wales are set to visit St David’s Cathedral in Cardiff, where they will mark the first anniversary of the death of Her late Majesty by “[delivering] a public message honouring the life and legacy of the monarch.” Make no mistake this will be quite the marquee moment for the two people who now seem to be doing the bulk of the royal family’s PR heavy-lifting.
You see the issue, right?
In all likelihood, the first member of the royal family to mark the late Queen’s death will be the bloke who has spent years, and earned millions, tarring and feathering the royal outfit.
What a plot twist.
The clear and present danger is that Harry could well end up stealing the Waleses’ thunder by giving some moving, deeply personal tribute to his Gan-Gan on September 7, ahead of the prince and princess’s Cardiff trip. Because really, the chance of the duke not scuppering the Palace’s best-laid plans are about as high as Princess Anne finally trying tempeh.
The next day, when the Waleses are out in force, could also be problematic.
The Daily Beast’s eminently well-sourced Tom Sykes has reported that “the real nervousness at the palace will be that Harry may choose to further disrupt the delicate choreography of the day by making some kind of surprise appearance on the 8th itself.”
Imagine old Etonian and Harrovian brows being mopped at the very thought.
Also consider here the much-changed temperature from this time last year when Harry was also set to appear at the WellChild Awards. (The death of the late Queen saw plans change.)
Despite the combined ammunition of Harry & Meghan and Spare, the Duke of Sussex has totally failed to bring Charles and William to heel, so to speak. They have not issued any apologies or made any mea culpas via starchy official statements. They have just sailed on, trying to ignore Harry’s mezze of misery.
Which is to say, with rifts bitterly entrenched and apple carts turned once and for all, what’s to stop the father-of-two doing exactly as he pleases when he’s back in the UK? If he wants to stand in the middle of Piccadilly Circus declaiming Yeats in honour of his Granny then, so be it.
The Duke of Sight may well end up having plenty of free time given that his family reportedly have no plans to come within sauceboat-chucking distance of him.
A friend of William’s has told the Beast: “It is increasingly hard to work out what Harry wants to be and do. He was appointed to be a patron of WellChild because he was a member of the royal family. Now this is something that he apparently wants to carry on doing in his capacity as a private individual. William and Kate will be irritated, especially by the date, but will just ignore it. What else can they do?”
“Charles won’t be seeing Harry and nor will William. No chance. He feels utterly betrayed by what Harry wrote about him in the book and said about him on Netflix.”
Meanwhile, a chum of Charles’s did their level best to minimise the impact of Harry’s homecoming, telling Sykes: “Harry is a private citizen. What he does on the anniversary of the queen’s death is entirely a matter for him. The king certainly won’t be changing his plans in reaction to what Harry is doing.”
However, all of this nonchalant, well-bred shrugging belies the real picture. Simply by dint of being in the same country as his family, let alone city or postcode, right smack dab at this highly symbolic moment, Harry will dominate the national conversation and the media.
At the very least, the Palace is going to be forced to share the spotlight with Harry, if not come out second best, at a time when they had hoped to dazzle.
Maybe this month it won’t be just Harry who is going to be in need of a Tibetan singing bowl or six. If he has any spares (boom tish) then now would be the moment to Uber them over to perspiring sorts at the Palace.
Daniela Elser is a writer, editor and a royal commentator with more than 15 years’ experience working with a number of Australia’s leading media titles.